A lump

August, 2013

Renate/survivor: It is a Monday on August 2013, after being away from summer vacation in Holland, I am trying to begin with all the daily routine habits. I feel good, I just came back from the gym, after some classes of Zumba and Kick Boxing. I love to feel that my body has been working! (I think that going to the gym two hours, three times a week is necessary for my body.) I feel I really need it, and now even more after all I ate and drank during vacation. I enter the shower quickly, because I don’t want to arrive late for lunch with some friends. While moving quickly in the shower, I drop my soap. As I bent over to pick it up, I feel that my right arm goes against my right breast. Almost without realizing I start to feel my breast and begin to check. All of the sudden I am on fire! I feel a little lump!!! Yes, really, I feel a lump, I feel again, and again…, it’s there. I can move it between my two fingers. It is solid and it doesn’t hurt… I am in shock…

I don’t hear anything from what my friends are telling me during the lunch. It seems that they have had a very nice vacation, but actually, I don’t get A-N-Y- T-H-I-N-G. I am still in shock…

Comment Patricia/Psychologist: Renate, your story prior to the diagnosis was probably similar to other women. If they could tell us the story of the little lump, they would come to realize the shock and before this, submerge into series of human fears related to the possibility of having a diagnosis of this kind.

I would like to share with you the 6 D’s, written by Holland (1979), like the most important fears that invade the person who faces the diagnosis of cancer, which are:

1D: Fear of Death: Of the consequences of the illness

2D: Fear of Dependency: Of the family and medical personnel

3D: Fear of Disfigurement: Of physical and functional changes

4D: Fear of Disability: To achieve objectives

5D: Fear of Disruption: Mainly of social relations

6D: Fear of Discomfort: Resulting from the disease and treatment

Personally and because of the work experience everyday with people who have cancer, ‘Fear of Pain’ and ‘Fear of Suffering’ may be added as one of the main fears; not less important than those set by Holland.

The moment you are confronted with the lump, you don’t start with all the fears; just with some of them. Because you do not know what really happens and you’re in shock. The only thing you have clear is that something is wrong with you. Something that does not hurt. But, despite of being scared and that your life may be in danger, the world around you goes on with ‘normal life’, without imagining what you’re facing. And, so far, ALONE.

But Renate, if you dare to tell us what happened as from this fact, as significant and radical, we can identify together all these warning signs that emerged as the days passed. And how mentioned fears often accompany the patient during the individual process.